Just the beginning
by youwoketheDragon
Summary: You heard me, didn't you?"  Kate stops, her back still turned to him and her shoulders stiffened in shock. She is surprised even though she shouldn't be because she saw this coming./Set somewhere in the future


**Just a little one shot to make you survive another week without Castle...**

**Oh, I have to stop thinking about it or I'm gonna start crying again. Just kidding.**

**Anyway, I hope you like it and it would be AMAZING if you could leave me a review!**

**Disclaimer: Nope, I don't own them...**

„You heard me, didn't you?"

Kate stops, her back still turned to him and her shoulders stiffened in shock.

She is surprised even though she shouldn't be because she saw this coming. She somehow knew that he found out, that he read her like an open book once again, that he noticed all the little hints she gave him, intentionally or not.

He always had the ability to see right through her barriers, through the walls that supposed to protect her, he had always found a way inside and before she knew it he had captured her heart.

This heart had been hers, that she had always been in control of but then he just came into her life and took it from her. He took her heart and now it's his, will be his and she can't do anything about it. That was what scared her all this years, that still scares her. Nevertheless she is willing to move on. To take the next step.

But hearing him say the words, hearing him ask the question and knowing that finally the time has come to answer it takes her completely off-guard.

Kate swallows deeply, closes her eyes and tries to prepare herself for what is coming.

What is she going to do? What is she going to say?

She doesn't know. She really doesn't know but that won't stop her anymore.

Not today. Not this time.

She is determined not to miss this last chance, not to let this moment slip through her fingers again like she did so many times before.

She has enough. She has enough of the pain and the sorrow, enough of the hurt and the fear, enough of the anger and the loneliness. She is sick of her mothers case and her screwed up past. She is so sick of the panic attacks and the hours, days, weeks alone in her cold, empty apartment.

Kate Beckett wants more, god, she wants so much more.

She wants freedom and happiness and luck and fun and love and … him.

She can't wait any longer.

She is finally willing to take the risk of losing him and she knows losing him would mean losing everything.

Because she realizes that if she can't have him, can't have his joy and his annoying comments, his crazy theories and his coffee in the morning, she doesn't want anything else.

Kate takes one last deep shuddering breath but it seems that there is not enough air to fill her lungs, the scar on her chest begins to pulse and her skin begins to burn, hot and pestering.

She turns around, eventually facing him and opens her eyes slowly.

Breathing becomes easier and the tight knot in her stomach disappears as soon as she finds his eyes with hers. He has always this soothing effect on her, even now when his usually bright, blue irises have become dark and sad.

At first she doesn't say anything. She doesn't have to say it out loud.

He just stands there in the hallway of her apartment, very quiet and very still. Kate can see his dark blue shirt shimmering like a midnight sky under his elegant coat. She has begun to love this shirt over the years, it just fits so perfectly to his eyes, makes them sparkle even more.

He still looks handsome even though his exhaustion is obvious to her. His hair is a bit messy, new wrinkles are framing is eyes and a light stubble covers his cheeks and chin.

She draws her attention back to his eyes and watches him watching her, reading her because she has nothing more to hide.

Rick locks his gaze with hers and is immediately fascinated with her shining green orbs. They always change their color but right now they are dark green with a hint of brown and a few golden sprinkles. But something is missing. He gasps and his eyes widen in surprise.

The guard. The guard is down. Her guard is gone.

The wall that has been there deep down, protecting her heart for years now has finally crumbled down. The wall that he has been fighting for so long is finally lying to his feet, only a bunch of bricks that can't hold him back anymore. But suddenly he isn't sure if he is willing to make the effort and remove all this bricks one by one, or just climb over this last obstacle on his way.

He can't ignore the fact that he can see the answer to his question right there in her eyes along with a silent plea for forgiveness.

Rick knows that she wants nothing more than his understanding but he also knows that she won't ask for it because this woman wouldn't be Kate Beckett if she would come crawling to him, begging him to forgive her.

She will stay strong, no matter how hurt and vulnerable she is on the inside, even now when all the walls are gone.

That's who she is and he accepts that and wouldn't want to have it any other way.

Because this is the woman he loves and nothing can ever change that, no hurt or anger or pain.

Kate bites her lower lip and tries to figure out what to do, what to say to fix this.

Fix him. The fingers of her right hand fiddle nervously with the sleeve of her shirt and she can see that he is as insecure as she is. She knows she should be surprised that he doesn't seem to be angry with her but that is something to worry about later because right now he looks so damn broken.

So hurt, so full of pain and he does nothing to hide it.

The dim light in her apartment throws deep black shadows over his face, making his eyes disappear. Right now he looks like a ghost to her, an old, tired and confused version of Richard Castle.

It hurts to see him like that. It hurts to know that she is the reason for his pain.

Rick seems to wake up from his trance and lowers his eyes to the ground, then to the ceiling, then to the couch behind Kate. He clears his throat and his voice is husky when he finally speaks up.

"Um. I should..., uh, I should probably go and..."

The words leave him and he glances nervously up to her eyes before he turns around, walks through the hallway and reaches for the doorknob.

No way. She won't let him leave her like that.

"You're crazy about me."

He freezes at the sound of her voice, not more than a whisper. What? Has she really just said that?

Was it a question? Is she asking for a last proof of his love for her or does she just want to torture him? Would she really do something like that? No. Not her. Not the Kate Beckett he knows.

That just leaves the possibility that she still isn't sure if he's all in, not sure if he meant what he said last summer, when she lay in the grass underneath him, dying in his arms.

She still needs proof? She can have that.

He turns around in a swift motion and with two steps he is right in front of her, invading her personal space. He has expected her to avoid his gaze, maybe fumble with her sleeve again and look to the ground after what she just said. But her eyes, her gorgeous, big, intimidating eyes are focused on his, her arms are crossed in front of her chest, her hair falls in silky curls over her shoulders.

Oh god. Damn her.

How does she do that? How can she manage to look so beautiful and distracting and strong and...

Stop. Right now. He needs to focus. He needs to remember that he just wanted to be angry with her. That's the only way to make her see what she refuses to see. His love for her.

"Of course I am, Kate. I've been crazy about you for years now", he hesitates just for a fraction of a second before he continues, "I love you. Do you hear me? I love you! But you already know that, don't you?"

Rick's voice is only a growl and he's standing right in front of her, his face only inches apart from hers. Kate is a tall woman but he's taller. He is standing so close, looking down on her and he looks terrifying, he knows that. Sees it in the way she flinches, in the way she her jaw clenches to prevent the startled whimper that threatens to escape her. Oh god, she is so stubborn.

"Does anything of that really matters to you, Kate? Do you even _care _about my feelings for you?"

He spits the words out and realizes that he has become too loud, too harsh. She doesn't deserve this even after what she did to him because he knows that she cares. He has seen it in her eyes in the last month, in her actions, in the way their usual flirting has become something more.

Castle hesitates, not sure what to do. He can't apologize because there's no way he'll give her that satisfaction. Kate looked down at her feet and Rick can see her brows furrowing as if she is desperately trying to find the right words. Eventually she sighs and raises her head, starring ones again into his demanding eyes.

Her voice is hoarse and barely more than a whisper when she finally speaks.

"I do.", she clears her throat before she continues, "I do care, Rick. Of course this matters to me."

"This is everything to me. You are everything to me. Everything."

Castle's eyes widen and he gasps quietly, begging for more, for more words to sooth his pain.

"It matters to me, more than anything ever has. I honestly don't know what I'd do without it anymore, without you."

Her eyes begin to sparkle again and she can't control the small smile that begins to bloom on her face.

"Your morning coffee, your goofy grin, you charm and you annoying comments", he can't help but smile at this too, "your bravery, your loyalty and your... love."

She is a bit breathless and swallows hard as she inches even closer to him, feeling the warmth radiating from his body.

Her gaze becomes serious and insistent again.

"I need that, Rick. I need you and I'm..."

She doesn't come any further because Rick's hands are cupping her cheeks and his lips are brushing hers, soft and tender. Energy rushes through her veins and her skin tingles where his fingers gently caress her jaw, his thumbs stroking patterns on her cheekbones. She needs a moment to recover before she can respond to him, overwhelmed by the feeling of his tongue slowly running along her bottom lip, causing her to moan quietly into his mouth. Her eyes have fluttered shut the moment his lips met hers and now her hands come up between them, exploring his face blindly and tracing up his throat until she finds the shell of his ear, getting lost in the soft hair at his temples.

She could go on like this forever, lost in this kiss, not even willing to find a way out. But eventually the need for air becomes too strong and they break away, both still stunned.

"...in love with you.", Kate murmurs, a shy smile playing on her lips.

She is fascinated when she watches his eyes widen, the light blue color beginning to shine and a smile grows on his face, brighter than she could have ever imagined it.

He leans in and presses his forehead against hers, their noses brushing. She can feel his hot breath tickle her skin and the sound of his deep, rich voice is vibrating through her body.

"Could you say that once again for me? I'm not quite sure if I'm dreaming..."

She chuckles lightly, bites her lip and grabs his lapel to push him back a little. She needs to look in his eyes if she does this again. Needs to face him.

Suddenly she furrows her brow and Rick has no idea where that worried look on her face comes from.

"What? What is it?"

Kate clears her throat and her gaze becomes serious.

"I...I have to do something before I can say this again."

"What? What could you possibly..."

Castle can barely see that her concerned expression turns into a sly grin before she wraps her arms around his neck and kisses him warmly, deeply, laying all her love into that kiss.

Relief washes over him and he growls a silent "Such a tease" against her lips before he responds to her.

They can't stop. After minutes of passionate kissing she ends up backed up against a wall, his hands tangled in her hair, her long legs wrapped around his hip and her fingers scratching over his bare back.

Somewhere along the way she must have tucked his shirt from his pants. And his coat is missing. And some of the buttons on her blouse.

When she finally breaks the connection he lets out a frustrated moan and tries claim her lips with his once again but she turns her head and chuckles when he immediately begins to nibble on her earlobe.

She has to grab his face firmly to push him away and look into his eyes again, now filled with lust and desire. She brushes her thumb gently over his jaw, over the light stubble on his cheeks until she reaches his bottom lip. Her gaze has become tender as she watches fascinated how the corner of his mouth twitches up, completely captivated in the sensation of his skin under her hands, his soft lips lightly kissing the tip of her thumb.

The moment is just so incredible peaceful and everything feels right for the first time in years.

Thirrteen years. It took her thirteen years to make peace with her past, with her mom's murder and with herself.

For a moment she is just content to feel him under her fingertips, to savor every detail of his face as if it is the last time, as if this is the end.

But she knows there will be so much time for them to discover this new part of their relationship.

This is not the end, this is just the beginning.

When she looks up again the desire in his deep blue orbs is gone and all there is left is joy and love.

Love for her. Pure and undying love.

"I love you, Richard Castle."

**Yup, I know...but what can I do? I just love happy endings.**

**And I didn't write in english for a long time so please feel free to correct me if you find mistakes...**


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